So, I posted the first couple of blogs about Nathan to see if anyone noticed. If they did, they never mentioned it, LOL. It's htt://twofromchina.blogspot.com. That's right, I'm trying to adopt again!
From the moment I started the adoption process with Nathan I have wanted to adopt again. As a matter of fact, I looked into adopting a second child before I'd even finished the first adoption! True story! Obviously that didn't work, but it's still always been on my heart.
I've put off adopting because in October of 2008 Kurt and I separated and in December of 2009 our divorce was final. Who in their right mind would adopt a 4th child while still single?! Anyway, adoption has stayed on my heart. About a month ago I sort of "fell" into adopting again.
I was on FaceBook and I saw this stunning girl who was available for adoption. As a matter of fact, she was 13 and a half and about to age out of the adoption process and concerned families were pushing to see her adopted. Her adoptive family would have to be already logged in with China to able to adopt her and clearly I wasn't (and still am not) but for whatever reason, this prompted me to look into whether I'd be eligible to adopt at all. From the FAQ's I'd viewed, China's rule is that single women with no more than 2 children were permitted to adopt. That right there should have stopped me, but it didn't. I called America World Adoption Association (AWAA), the agency I used with Nathan's adoption, to see if there was an exemption to this rule since one of my children was adopted. Long story short, I filled out the application, paid the fee, and started the process. Almost immediately I fell in love with a little girl named "Jenna" who will be 10 on October 1st.
The next step was to review "Jenna's" file with MUSC, complete a nurture plan and submit it to China and request an exemption from the 2 child rule and pray for acceptance. This is a 3 step process that cost about $1275.
I have been praying about this adoption the whole way through. I prayed that God would open doors for this to happen. Several doors have opened that have allowed me to start the process. I applied for a home equity loan so that I would have the money in one lump some and wouldn't have to ask for donations, complete fund raisers, or eat bread and water for the next 6 months. Well, the bank called and told me that I wasn't approved for the loan. When I got the call, I wasn't disappointed or sad, I just felt like the Lord said, "I have another way." I prayed and prayed and was 100% at peace with moving forward, but simply didn't have a way to do it.
This began an internal struggle in me. I felt at peace to continue moving forward, but didn't have the funds, so I couldn't discern if I was supposed to step out in faith and expect the money to show up or if this was me being headstrong. Maybe God was really shutting the door but I was wanting this adoption too bad to see it.
I began talking to other friends and family and asking for guidance. My pastor, a friend of mine, and my dad all came back saying what I'd felt all along, which was that they didn't see this as a closed door. More that it was a "wait, I have a better way". We all agreed that taking out a loan to adopt an orphan seemed contradictory to the Bible. The Bible says we are to care for widows and orphans, but it also says we are to owe no man anything.
Like I said, I have prayed and prayed all the way through this thing. I've constantly asked God to show me His will. He knows my heart, and as badly as I want to adopt "Jenna" I will walk away from the adoption if that is what He tells me to do, just to stay in His will. So, after being turned down for the loan and everyone confirming what I felt, which was to adopt debt free, I returned "Jenna's" file to AWAA. It hurt my heart so badly, but I felt that it must be God's will, and if that was the case then He has another child waiting for me.
That brings up to where I am now. I returned her file a few days ago and have set my mind to squirreling way money for the adoption. My mom came up with an idea today, but I"m not going to share it with you now. If it works out, I'll save it for another post. If it doesn't, then you get to see me post with joy every time I save another $5! lol
Friday, September 7, 2012
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
Why China?
I 've been asked many questions about China and why I chose to adopt from there, how I "got" a boy, how many babies can they have, etc. So, I'm going to give the condensed version, but mostly I want explain why I personally chose to adopt from China rather than America.
China's 1 Child Law
China's one child policy was established by Chinese leader Deng Xiaoping in 1979 to limit China's population growth. Although designated a "temporary measure," it continues a quarter-century after its establishment. The policy limits couples to one child. Fines, pressures to abort a pregnancy, and even forced sterilization accompanied second or subsequent pregnancies.
It is not an all-encompassing rule because it has always been restricted to ethnic Han Chinese living in urban areas. However, of the 100+ nationalities in China, the Han nationality incorporates over 91% of China's population. Citizens living in rural areas and minorities living in China are not subject to the law. If women were found to be pregnant with a 2nd child without permission they were forced to abort their child or pay steep fines. Yes, abortion is legal in China.
Why are there so few boys available for adoption?
In Chinese culture when parents are too old to care for themselves they go to live with their son. It is the wife's responsibility to care for the aging parents. If couples have a girl, they have no one to care for them when they become old.
Additionally, if a couple has a girl, they have no one carry on the family name when they die.
Why are children just abandoned?
In America we have a "safe house" law. Basically, if you have an unwanted child, you can take you infant to any fire, police, EMS station or hospital and surrender your child, no questions asked. In China, this is illegal. Some parents will leave a child in a dark alley with no note giving the child's name, date of birth, etc. While others take more care to ensure their child is found safely.
Children are abandoned for a variety of reasons. It could be that their child was a girl and they want a boy. It could be that the child was born with a birth defect, or it could be because the parents could no longer care for the child.
From a personal aspect, Nathan has a stroke when he was born. He has SEVERE weakness on his right side and at the age of 2 still couldn't walk and his hand was frozen into a fist. After his parents nurtured him for 2 years I believe they realized his needs were more than they could care for. So, taking great risk, his family abandoned him in broad daylight in front of a police station. It takes a lot of love to be able to do that for your child.
What kind of birth defects do children have?
China's culture believes in feng shui. Feng means wind and shui means water. In Chinese culture wind and water are associated with good health, thus good feng shui came to mean good fortune, while bad feng shui means bad luck, or misfortune.
A child that has any type of birth defect is believed to have bad feng shui, thus they aren't wanted. A birth defect could be as severe as down syndrome, mental handicaps, blindness, deafness, or as simple as a hernia, birthmark or missing or deformed fingers and toes.
Why did I choose China?
I've been asked, with all of the children in America that need fostering and/or adoption, why did I choose to adopt from China? Some people find this a very insulting question. I find it just the opposite. I think it's fair and worthy of being asked.
First and foremost, that's where God has laid it on my heart. I am drawn there. I looked for a long time at www.adoptuskids.org but my heart wasn't there.
Secondly, it would be virtually impossible to adopt an infant in America. One because, clearly both Kurt and I were fertile, and two because we weren't an minority. In the same line with adopting from birth IF we had been chosen by a birth mother, we would be required to cover all of her maternity costs up to and including the birth of the baby. Once the baby was born, the birth mother has the right to change her mind up until she is discharged from the hospital.
There was also the possibility to adopt an older child in foster care. I personally have a fear of a birth parent showing up unannounced at my home looking for their long lost child or worse yet, trying to regain custody. We have all heard the nightmares of parents giving up or losing their right to raise their child, only to return years later and have the ruling over-turned. That was a risk I wasn't willing to take.
I hope this has answered some of you questions. If you have any others, please feel free to ask me. I am an open book and willing to share any of my thoughts and experiences with you.
China's 1 Child Law
China's one child policy was established by Chinese leader Deng Xiaoping in 1979 to limit China's population growth. Although designated a "temporary measure," it continues a quarter-century after its establishment. The policy limits couples to one child. Fines, pressures to abort a pregnancy, and even forced sterilization accompanied second or subsequent pregnancies.
It is not an all-encompassing rule because it has always been restricted to ethnic Han Chinese living in urban areas. However, of the 100+ nationalities in China, the Han nationality incorporates over 91% of China's population. Citizens living in rural areas and minorities living in China are not subject to the law. If women were found to be pregnant with a 2nd child without permission they were forced to abort their child or pay steep fines. Yes, abortion is legal in China.
Why are there so few boys available for adoption?
In Chinese culture when parents are too old to care for themselves they go to live with their son. It is the wife's responsibility to care for the aging parents. If couples have a girl, they have no one to care for them when they become old.
Additionally, if a couple has a girl, they have no one carry on the family name when they die.
Why are children just abandoned?
In America we have a "safe house" law. Basically, if you have an unwanted child, you can take you infant to any fire, police, EMS station or hospital and surrender your child, no questions asked. In China, this is illegal. Some parents will leave a child in a dark alley with no note giving the child's name, date of birth, etc. While others take more care to ensure their child is found safely.
Children are abandoned for a variety of reasons. It could be that their child was a girl and they want a boy. It could be that the child was born with a birth defect, or it could be because the parents could no longer care for the child.
From a personal aspect, Nathan has a stroke when he was born. He has SEVERE weakness on his right side and at the age of 2 still couldn't walk and his hand was frozen into a fist. After his parents nurtured him for 2 years I believe they realized his needs were more than they could care for. So, taking great risk, his family abandoned him in broad daylight in front of a police station. It takes a lot of love to be able to do that for your child.
What kind of birth defects do children have?
China's culture believes in feng shui. Feng means wind and shui means water. In Chinese culture wind and water are associated with good health, thus good feng shui came to mean good fortune, while bad feng shui means bad luck, or misfortune.
A child that has any type of birth defect is believed to have bad feng shui, thus they aren't wanted. A birth defect could be as severe as down syndrome, mental handicaps, blindness, deafness, or as simple as a hernia, birthmark or missing or deformed fingers and toes.
Why did I choose China?
I've been asked, with all of the children in America that need fostering and/or adoption, why did I choose to adopt from China? Some people find this a very insulting question. I find it just the opposite. I think it's fair and worthy of being asked.
First and foremost, that's where God has laid it on my heart. I am drawn there. I looked for a long time at www.adoptuskids.org but my heart wasn't there.
Secondly, it would be virtually impossible to adopt an infant in America. One because, clearly both Kurt and I were fertile, and two because we weren't an minority. In the same line with adopting from birth IF we had been chosen by a birth mother, we would be required to cover all of her maternity costs up to and including the birth of the baby. Once the baby was born, the birth mother has the right to change her mind up until she is discharged from the hospital.
There was also the possibility to adopt an older child in foster care. I personally have a fear of a birth parent showing up unannounced at my home looking for their long lost child or worse yet, trying to regain custody. We have all heard the nightmares of parents giving up or losing their right to raise their child, only to return years later and have the ruling over-turned. That was a risk I wasn't willing to take.
I hope this has answered some of you questions. If you have any others, please feel free to ask me. I am an open book and willing to share any of my thoughts and experiences with you.
Monday, September 3, 2012
Papa's Story
This post would probably be more accurately labeled as Miracles or something along the lines of all the many miracles that transpired during the course of Nathan's adoption, but my dad's story is my favorite of them all so, he's getting title honors. LOL
My prayer throughout Nathan's adoption would be that the adoption would be so much "of God", that I couldn't tell Nathan's story without telling how God orchestrated it. Well, my friends, that's exactly what I got!
First and foremost is that fact that the adoption even happened. I can count on my hands how many times I have HEARD God, and while His voice may not have been audible to others, it was VERY clearly audible to me that winter day standing on my porch railing taking down Christmas lights.
Second, is the fact that God told me we were going to adopt a child debt free. Ok, big deal, right? RIGHT! International adoption cost approximately $30,000! I took a part-time job which raised a good bit of the financing, but another substantial portion came from wonderful friends and family. Everyone gave so generously! I was in constant amazement and awe every time a donation would come in the mail. We raised almost to the penny, exactly what the adopt cost.
Third was the fact that, while my plans were to adopt a healthy girl, younger than Ashleigh, we ended up adopting a special needs boy older than Ashleigh. (Proverbs 16:1 We may make our plans, but God has the last word.)
Next, was our China "connection". I'll tell you more about this after I tell Papa's story.
When Kurt and I made the announcement that we were going to adopt a child from China I was a little more than surprised to find out my dad was not thrilled with the idea. Ok, he HATED the idea. He didn't understand why we needed to go to some "communist country" to "get a kid" when there were plenty right here in good ole' U S of A. Try as I might, I couldn't get him to like the idea, so finally, I just made it a point NOT to discuss our adoption process in front of Dad.
Finally it wasn't until December 31, the day I saw Nathan's picture, that I knew we were adopting a boy. On January 2, 2007, when our Family Coordinator sent us Nathan's file for review, I invited my parents over to play cards. This was nothing out of the ordinary for us, so I knew they would be unsuspecting. I had Nathan's picture already pulled up on my laptop but had the laptop turned around so no one could see it. I figured when the time was right, I'd surprise them. Well, as we were playing cards, my mom asked me, "have you heard anything from the adoption agency?".
I said, "as a matter of fact, we have!". I turned the computer around and said, "meet your grandson!". Mom burst out crying (no shocker there) and when I looked at my dad, he was crying too!
In a semi-shell shocked voice I said, "what are YOU crying for????"
Dad said, "because you don't know what I know". To which I replied, "please, do tell us!" Dad said earlier that morning he'd been having nightmares, so he got up out of bed at 5am and went in the living room and started reading his Bible and praying. As he was praying the Lord told him, "this adoption is 'of me' and you need to get over it!... and oh, by the way, they're adopting a boy." Dad said, instantly all of the anger, resentment, bitterness and every other unholy feeling he had about the adoption was gone!
What came next was almost as amazing. Dad wanted to know when we would go get him. I told him it would still be a few months, that we had a few more things that had to be done. Dad was absolutely adamant that we go get him RIGHT. THEN! He wanted his grandson HOME! I think he was the most impatient of us all!
There are somethings in life that are out of the human realm of control. And changing my dad's attitude about our adoption was one of those things. There was nothing humanly possible we could do to make him approve of the adoption, it was only through God's grace and love that dad came around.
So, back to my "connection". After giving mom and dad the 4-1-1 on Nathan, Mom got on the Internet and started researching Nathan's orphanage. As God (as opposed to luck) would have it, she found a link for some missionaries that were serving in Nathan's orphanage! Mom emailed them a got a reply! The family had been there for 10 years. They were there the day Nathan was found and were able to tell us his whole story... things that otherwise would have forever been a mystery to us. We were able to send Nathan pictures and gifts and get updates while we waited to travel.
There are so many other miracles that happened along the way. I'm sure I'll edit this post multiple times as I remember them.
My prayer throughout Nathan's adoption would be that the adoption would be so much "of God", that I couldn't tell Nathan's story without telling how God orchestrated it. Well, my friends, that's exactly what I got!
First and foremost is that fact that the adoption even happened. I can count on my hands how many times I have HEARD God, and while His voice may not have been audible to others, it was VERY clearly audible to me that winter day standing on my porch railing taking down Christmas lights.
Second, is the fact that God told me we were going to adopt a child debt free. Ok, big deal, right? RIGHT! International adoption cost approximately $30,000! I took a part-time job which raised a good bit of the financing, but another substantial portion came from wonderful friends and family. Everyone gave so generously! I was in constant amazement and awe every time a donation would come in the mail. We raised almost to the penny, exactly what the adopt cost.
Third was the fact that, while my plans were to adopt a healthy girl, younger than Ashleigh, we ended up adopting a special needs boy older than Ashleigh. (Proverbs 16:1 We may make our plans, but God has the last word.)
Next, was our China "connection". I'll tell you more about this after I tell Papa's story.
When Kurt and I made the announcement that we were going to adopt a child from China I was a little more than surprised to find out my dad was not thrilled with the idea. Ok, he HATED the idea. He didn't understand why we needed to go to some "communist country" to "get a kid" when there were plenty right here in good ole' U S of A. Try as I might, I couldn't get him to like the idea, so finally, I just made it a point NOT to discuss our adoption process in front of Dad.
Finally it wasn't until December 31, the day I saw Nathan's picture, that I knew we were adopting a boy. On January 2, 2007, when our Family Coordinator sent us Nathan's file for review, I invited my parents over to play cards. This was nothing out of the ordinary for us, so I knew they would be unsuspecting. I had Nathan's picture already pulled up on my laptop but had the laptop turned around so no one could see it. I figured when the time was right, I'd surprise them. Well, as we were playing cards, my mom asked me, "have you heard anything from the adoption agency?".
I said, "as a matter of fact, we have!". I turned the computer around and said, "meet your grandson!". Mom burst out crying (no shocker there) and when I looked at my dad, he was crying too!
In a semi-shell shocked voice I said, "what are YOU crying for????"
Dad said, "because you don't know what I know". To which I replied, "please, do tell us!" Dad said earlier that morning he'd been having nightmares, so he got up out of bed at 5am and went in the living room and started reading his Bible and praying. As he was praying the Lord told him, "this adoption is 'of me' and you need to get over it!... and oh, by the way, they're adopting a boy." Dad said, instantly all of the anger, resentment, bitterness and every other unholy feeling he had about the adoption was gone!
What came next was almost as amazing. Dad wanted to know when we would go get him. I told him it would still be a few months, that we had a few more things that had to be done. Dad was absolutely adamant that we go get him RIGHT. THEN! He wanted his grandson HOME! I think he was the most impatient of us all!
There are somethings in life that are out of the human realm of control. And changing my dad's attitude about our adoption was one of those things. There was nothing humanly possible we could do to make him approve of the adoption, it was only through God's grace and love that dad came around.
So, back to my "connection". After giving mom and dad the 4-1-1 on Nathan, Mom got on the Internet and started researching Nathan's orphanage. As God (as opposed to luck) would have it, she found a link for some missionaries that were serving in Nathan's orphanage! Mom emailed them a got a reply! The family had been there for 10 years. They were there the day Nathan was found and were able to tell us his whole story... things that otherwise would have forever been a mystery to us. We were able to send Nathan pictures and gifts and get updates while we waited to travel.
There are so many other miracles that happened along the way. I'm sure I'll edit this post multiple times as I remember them.
Nathan's Story
Fast forward two and a half years. I'd had my second beautiful daughter and we were "living the dream", but still every now and again I my heart would quicken and I'd get that twinge in my heart when I'd think of China. I just knew one of my children must be there.
It was January 2, 2006 and I was standing on the railing of our home taking down Christmas lights when the Lord spoke, to me and said, "I want you to adopt from China, but I want you to sit on it." My first thought was pure excitement! Then I thought, "wait a minute God... You want me to adopt, but I can't say anything?! No fair! You know how much I hate to wait.. much less keep quiet!" None the less, sit on it I did, until March. During those 3 months I prayed continually. My prayer to Him, was that our adoption would be so much, "of Him" that we could not tell our adoption story without telling how God orchestrated it. I knew this would be the case. He had told me we were to adopt from China and we were to do it debt free.
Finally, in March, I spoke to Kurt about it. At first he wasn't on board with the idea, but as we continued to discuss it, he came around. Kurt's biggest concern was money, both for the adoption and long term. I told him, it wasn't our job to find all the answers, but to follow God's leading. If He told us to adopt, it was our job to obey. And if He wanted us to do this debt free, He would provide the way. It didn't take long before not only was Kurt on board, but he was even ok with adopting from China! After some discussion we had decided to adopt a healthy girl under the age of 4 in order to keep the birth order of our children.
In April 2006 we began our paper pregnancy. I filled out the on-line application and our paper chase began. It took 6 months to complete the chase and our dossier was sent to China. We mail our dossier to China on October 13, and we received our Logged In Date, the 2nd week of November. During this time, I was feeling God was leading us to expand our criteria for adoption. So on Thanksgiving, while I was at work, and after much discussion with Kurt, we decided to expand the age range, we would be open to a boy or a girl and we decided to consider special needs as well.
Our agency, America World Adoption Agency, has a web page for unmatched, special needs children. I had decided I wouldn't go to their page, for fear of falling in love with the wrong child. I wanted to receive the child God had planned for us, and I was afraid I would just get in the way of God's plan if I was looking at all the children and trying to pick one myself.
On December 31, I was at work. I was sitting in the office, absent mindedly playing on the computer and talking to Kurt on the phone. Not really paying attention to what I was doing, I went to AWAA's special needs page and began looking at the children. When I realized what I was doing I thought, "Man... I told myself I wasn't going to look at this page! Oh well, I'm here, might as well finish looking!" I scrolled through the children, most of which I'd seen before, and wasn't drawn too. However, when I got to the last child, I clicked on his picture and instantly, I knew, that I knew, that I knew, he was my son. The little boy's name was Zhou Qiang, which means strong and brave. It said he had hemiphlegia, or one sided paralysis. Really, it didn't matter what he had, I knew he was to be our son.
I didn't tell Kurt right away, as I still wanted to be sure I wasn't interfering with God's plan. But the next day, January 1, 2007, I was driving Hwy 52 heading to do a home visit for a woman wanting to adopt a greyhound. I hadn't intended on saying anything to Kurt, but once again, without thinking, I mentioned he should go to the AWAA Waiting Childrens page. As soon as I blurted it out, I thought, "OH! I said I wasn't going to say anything!".. Just another indicator God was at work. I told Kurt to scroll all the way to the bottom and look at that the last child. I said, "I know it's a boy, and he special needs, AND he's older than Ashleigh, but just take a look". Kurt's reply was, "oh, I like him!" So, after a little discussion we decided to move forward and request his information. On January 2, we requested Zhou Qiang's information and we never looked back!
On May 1, we climbed on a plane for China and on May 8th we met and finalized the adoption of our beautiful son, Nathaniel Qiang Jacumin.
Total borrowed for the adoption - $0.00!
It was January 2, 2006 and I was standing on the railing of our home taking down Christmas lights when the Lord spoke, to me and said, "I want you to adopt from China, but I want you to sit on it." My first thought was pure excitement! Then I thought, "wait a minute God... You want me to adopt, but I can't say anything?! No fair! You know how much I hate to wait.. much less keep quiet!" None the less, sit on it I did, until March. During those 3 months I prayed continually. My prayer to Him, was that our adoption would be so much, "of Him" that we could not tell our adoption story without telling how God orchestrated it. I knew this would be the case. He had told me we were to adopt from China and we were to do it debt free.
Finally, in March, I spoke to Kurt about it. At first he wasn't on board with the idea, but as we continued to discuss it, he came around. Kurt's biggest concern was money, both for the adoption and long term. I told him, it wasn't our job to find all the answers, but to follow God's leading. If He told us to adopt, it was our job to obey. And if He wanted us to do this debt free, He would provide the way. It didn't take long before not only was Kurt on board, but he was even ok with adopting from China! After some discussion we had decided to adopt a healthy girl under the age of 4 in order to keep the birth order of our children.
In April 2006 we began our paper pregnancy. I filled out the on-line application and our paper chase began. It took 6 months to complete the chase and our dossier was sent to China. We mail our dossier to China on October 13, and we received our Logged In Date, the 2nd week of November. During this time, I was feeling God was leading us to expand our criteria for adoption. So on Thanksgiving, while I was at work, and after much discussion with Kurt, we decided to expand the age range, we would be open to a boy or a girl and we decided to consider special needs as well.
Our agency, America World Adoption Agency, has a web page for unmatched, special needs children. I had decided I wouldn't go to their page, for fear of falling in love with the wrong child. I wanted to receive the child God had planned for us, and I was afraid I would just get in the way of God's plan if I was looking at all the children and trying to pick one myself.
On December 31, I was at work. I was sitting in the office, absent mindedly playing on the computer and talking to Kurt on the phone. Not really paying attention to what I was doing, I went to AWAA's special needs page and began looking at the children. When I realized what I was doing I thought, "Man... I told myself I wasn't going to look at this page! Oh well, I'm here, might as well finish looking!" I scrolled through the children, most of which I'd seen before, and wasn't drawn too. However, when I got to the last child, I clicked on his picture and instantly, I knew, that I knew, that I knew, he was my son. The little boy's name was Zhou Qiang, which means strong and brave. It said he had hemiphlegia, or one sided paralysis. Really, it didn't matter what he had, I knew he was to be our son.
I didn't tell Kurt right away, as I still wanted to be sure I wasn't interfering with God's plan. But the next day, January 1, 2007, I was driving Hwy 52 heading to do a home visit for a woman wanting to adopt a greyhound. I hadn't intended on saying anything to Kurt, but once again, without thinking, I mentioned he should go to the AWAA Waiting Childrens page. As soon as I blurted it out, I thought, "OH! I said I wasn't going to say anything!".. Just another indicator God was at work. I told Kurt to scroll all the way to the bottom and look at that the last child. I said, "I know it's a boy, and he special needs, AND he's older than Ashleigh, but just take a look". Kurt's reply was, "oh, I like him!" So, after a little discussion we decided to move forward and request his information. On January 2, we requested Zhou Qiang's information and we never looked back!
On May 1, we climbed on a plane for China and on May 8th we met and finalized the adoption of our beautiful son, Nathaniel Qiang Jacumin.
Total borrowed for the adoption - $0.00!
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